I am posting this blog at the request of a friend as she wanted me to post her questions along with my response to her, so here goes. Feel free to weigh in on the subject as I will pose her questions to you in the end. 

HER EMAIL

Dear D…

I have a question for you and I will like to know your thoughts on it. It is a little bit difficult to understand however if you need me to clarify please ask me. 

·         Does love depend on feelings?

·         If someone doesn’t feel those feelings they felt at the first time does it mean the love is gone after you promised to love that someone (what I felt at that time), but then one day you wake up and you do not have the same feelings, but the person is really a good person, does the relationship have to stop?

·         What if the other person in the relationship still loves me a lot and I know he does because he proves it by his actions, should I wait and see what will happen?  I need your opinion.  

MY RESPONSE

Hmmmmmm…..Lady D

Love manifest in many ways and the expression varies based on how people interpret love, what they think it means and now they feel the expression of love should look, sound and feel.  I guess if I were to compartmentalize it (put it into parts); I would use 2 categories FEELINGS & ACTIONS just to keep it simple.

1.    FEELINGS being the emotion  i.e. the pleasure you feel, the connection, the contentment, the high as love is very potent

2.    ACTIONS being the compulsions, that the drive and motivates you into doing things to express that feeling of love, to show the one who has won your affection what they mean to you as love is inspiring and that inspiration incites you to do things for the one(s) you love

They both go hand in hand. I believe love is transitional hence it shifts and changes whether those changes are for the better or worse is dependent on the parties involved and how committed they are to making the relationship the best it can be. That means evolving together as a couple, making allowances and compromises that is to the benefit of the relationship while still maintaining ones individuality and being accountable not only to one’s own happiness but to the happiness and success of the relationship. 

Example: In a marriage/common law or boyfriend/girlfriend relationship the love is always evolving whether that’s good or bad is reliant on the people involved. For instance, when you first fall in love there is the euphoria, the excitement, the ecstasy, the anticipation; it’s a nature’s natural drug (If you can bottle that stuff you’d be a billionaire).  

As time passes however some of that euphoria simmers down and the newest fades and thus begins the true knowing of each other’s idiosyncrasies (ways, habits, flaws etc.). Sometimes it is in learning these personal imperfections (which we all have) is where we learn truly if the person we are with is the person we want to be with for the rest of our lives.

So my answer your question is twofold. On a significant level yes because it is that initial love that carries you through and can be sustaining and no on a real level because one can grow to love a person while not being starry eyed, over the hell in love the first time they met and this can manifest sometimes from how well one is loved and cared for by the other person, how one is always considered and decisions made with that consideration in mind, to be put first, to be a priority above all else.

Overall though one must be honest with their self and do what is best for self regardless of what anyone else may think because it is you and only you that will have to live with the circumstances of your decision (choice).  I believe that whatever choices you make for the type of relationship you want (choose) your needs, wants, desires and dreams should always be (considered) part of the equation, to make any decision without you in mind will only be detrimental (harmful) to you in the long run.

It is said that if you cannot imagine growing old with the person you are with, cannot visualize (see in your mind’s eyes) or foresee any real future with them then that in itself is a very potent (powerful) answer.

Hope that helps, take care

HER REPLY TO MY RESPONSE

Hey Bella, Thank you so much for this message. mmmmm, I have re read it, I totally agree with you. I would be very happy if you'd put it on your blog. Take care, hugs… Lady D

AM POSING HER QUESTIONS TO YOU.......

·         Is love dependant on feelings and if your feelihngs of love changes does that mean the love is over?

·         Should you stay based on the other person's love for you?

·         What is your take on love?

Tomorrow never comes

 Today is always present.

Never put off for tomorrow

The things you can do today

As…

 Tomorrow never comes

 And…

You can't live for yesterday

DSB Rhapsody © 2007

READING UPDATE...

 I have finished reading...Life is not a fairy tale by Fantasia - this is a nice autobiographical read, it is simple, straightforward and to the point. I liked it’s no frills, no pretends manner, the woman keeps it real and she is stronger and wiser than she thinks.

CURRENTLY READING....

The happiness hypothesis by Jonathan Haidt however I had to send it back to the library as its on hold so i have paused reading for now. It is a good read, very interesting, so I think I will go out this weekend and purchase the book. in the mean time I will proceed with...Japanese Women  Don't get Old or Fat by Naomi Moriyama

To give or not to give, that is the question but what is the answer?  There are many panhandlers, beggars, homeless people, and people with mental health diseases roaming the streets of Toronto (T.O.).  Often times you see people, men, women, and youths with signs on cardboard pieces that read, “I am hungry and homeless please spare some change so that I can eat” or they just come right up to you and ask.

Begging is fast becoming pandemic in T.O. and one can expect on any given day to come face to face with someone asking for money, "spare some change”.  The dilemma is, when confronted with someone who seems to be less fortunate than you what do you do. It is heart breaking to see and a vivid reminder of the fragility of life and how one's reality can shift in the blink of an eye.

How can one not feel compassion, after all it’s not hard to image (God forbid) oneself, a friend or a loved one in such a dire situation. But when does empathy override common sense and when is it appropriate to set aside common sense in favour of sympathy for another human being? This is the quandary. To whom do you give? Why do you give to one and not the other? What is the determining factor? What is the reasoning one employ in making such a decision? What are the barometers of preconceived biases secretly held and measured to determine suitability? To give or not to give and to whom to give, that is the question but what is the answer? 

It is such a dilemma I witnessed yesterday (September 6) on the faces of the passengers on the train while on my way to work played. The hesitation, the judgement, the censure, the disgust, the compassion, the fear, the contempt and the assertion of the all encompassing superiority attitude. 

It was just past 8:20 am when the trained stopped at Broadview Station and passengers loaded off and one. One passenger in particular, a young woman came on and promptly announced. “Excuse me, can anyone please spare some change, I am very hungry and I need money to buy some food, also I am homeless and it’s very hard living on the streets. Can you please help me out please?” she shouts while going from person to person with her hands outstretched.

One woman reached for her purse but hesitated and looked around to see if anyone was giving. Satisfied that some where indeed giving money she retrieved some change and gave it to the young woman. Many others simply sat with their heads in their books, while others looked on with censor and judgements visible on their faces.

Realizing that she was not going to get any more money the woman quickly checked the money in her palm and indignantly shouted, "Come on people, $4! $4 is not enough; I need more than that to eat! Can someone give me some change please, please I need more.”

At this point a man 4 seats down to my left decided he had enough and told her, “There are many food banks that will give you food, go to one of them”. The young woman did not answer but instead chose to exit our car and went to the other car where I can see her again working her way through that car with her begging mantra.

I am sure you are wondering if I gave her money or not. I did not. Why you ask. Because I happen to know her and I know for a fact she is a drug addict. Does that mean I won’t' give to someone I think maybe an addict, no, it simply means I know her. It just strike me how bold she has become over the years and how she now uses people's fear that she might be crazy to intimidate as she invades their personal space while simultaneously sticking her hands out and asking loudly "can you give me some change! I need money for food!" I thought to myself damn but she is bold and arrogant! It was just frighteningly jarring how calculating she seemed. I guess at this point after so many years of using drugs she probably does have some psychological challenges.

I doubt that this display of calculating boldness will stop me from giving; it will render me however cautious and mindful. Is that the answer I don't know as I cannot determine for anyone whether or not they should give or not. I give because I know that not all beggars are drug addicts or alcoholics or lazy, and realize that some are people suffering from mental health illnesses, and others have encountered unfortunate circumstances that render them temporarily homeless.

I have often given out change and on occasion purchased food for the person(s) asking, and I am more than likely will do it again. Why? It’s simple really. I give because I want to. The thing people need to understand though when they are approached for money, if or when you decide to give, give simply give for the sake of giving. Do not foolishly bamboozle yourself into believing that you can dictate how the recipient of your kindness will use the money.  They will use it as they see fit whether you approve or disapprove.