I happened upon an interesting article titled "WHY MEN CHEAT" at RELATIONSHIP BLOG CITY and thought I would see the author’s views. Feel free to click the highlighted link above to read the article. Below is my response to said article. Please feel free to weigh in. I would love to read your take on the subject. 

Excerpt: “Why men cheat: if you think it's only about getting some, think again. Baggage and bad judgment—and even a woman's own behaviour—are often at the root of a man's betrayal”

MY RESPONSE TO "Why Men Cheat"

The issue of fidelity or infidelity rather has long since been debated. Men blame women for their straying and women blame men for their straying but the reality is all the cheater needs to do is hold up a mirror and see where the accountability lies. I have often heard some psychiatrist; psychologist, counsellor and other varied therapist list a myriad of reasons, as to why a love one cheats and they frequently miss the one true fact, CHOICE. Men and women cheat because they want to and because they can.

It may sound reasonable to say I cheated because my wife stop having sex with me, or my wife emasculates me, or my husband never comes home, or he never pays any attention to me, bringing feelings of outraged that may seem to validate the act of cheating. But I would dare to say that there are always other choices as well. Either of which could include marriage/couples counselling, individual counselling, mutual agreement towards working on having better communication or walking away from the relationship.

If things are so bad why stay there and cheat instead of leaving? The reality is each person is responsible for his or her own happiness and pointing at the other partner that may clearly be in the wrong does not justify having sex with someone else. It is very simple yet complex due to the emotional piece but bluntly put, people cheat because they want to, lets face it there will always be a reason to do something contrary in a relationship because nobody’s perfect and while the other partner may very well be doing things that may seem like it is advocating stepping outside the relationship to have needs met whether it be emotional, physical or otherwise, committing the act is still a choice. Many people go through hardships in relationships and do not cheat, not much separates them from those that do cheat except choice.

When people neglect to honour their selves and have emotional integrity in their relationships they become a participant in their own hurt. Any refusal to deal with the toxicity that infiltrates a relationship in preference to doing nothing is a death sentence to its sustainability. Burying ones head in the sand only to have ones ass exposed while secretly hoping he/she will see the silent suffering only seeks to diminish self-worth, and scarify self-esteem.

A relationship involves more than one person and each person has a responsibility to self, each other, and the health and longevity of the connection. The person that makes the choice to cheat is not blameless in the relationship regardless of the circumstances. One person cannot be solely responsible for the feelings of inadequacies of the other although they may contribute to it.

Relationships is hard work, we work at being the best we can be at our jobs, sports etc., yet when it comes to personal relationships people often expect it to just go on beautiful without the application of effort. This is not a Disneyland people, save it for the movies and throw out the fairytale and get in tuned with the reality.

Relationships can be fantastic with many highs and lows. It involves mutual respect, understanding each other’s ways of thinking, being, and acting. There is no law that says you must agree on everything but respect is vital.  Sometimes you must agree to disagree. People need to know that they are valued, loved and cherished for who they are.

If you have tried all you can and it is still not working, then take a stand and get out but do not bitch and complain while screwing someone else and still have the nerve to go home to the house and partner whose character is maligned. Cheating is a coward’s way. It is a way to get something new and explore hidden desires and use the excuses of your partner’s shortcomings as justification to advocate your actions. If you are going to cheat, at least be honest about why.

ÿ

“Nothing in the entire world is more dangerous that sincere ignorance & conscientious stupidity”

HQBQHQ

I am not an avid country song listener however I am a lover of music and every so often I find a song by a country singing artist that resonates in my bones. Now am not talking about the old country songs where the dog died, the house burn down, the wife left, the person got audited by the IRS, got constipated and accidentally shot their selves in the toe and had to cut off the toe to save the foot because they were miles away from a medic or a hospital. Have mercy no.

I am talking about those songs with lyrics that parallel the human emotions, fears and insecurities that reach in and lift you. I was watching a rerun of one of my favs “Touch by an Angel” it was a follow up of a pervious episode starring Wynonna as the mother that lost her son. I never did catch continuation but I did a couple days ago. That’s when I heard the song “That’s what makes you strong”, now I know for those of you that listen to country music on a daily basis may say that it’s an old song but for me, who is not inclined to deliberately listen to country music, it’s new. I am way past listening to music simply for the beat. If its not an instrumental then the lyrical content is important and every once in a while you get a good combination. Now while this songs music is simple the lyrics are anything but.  Take a read, tell me what you think. I left out the repeated chorus and put the words together but you'll get the jist of it...

If you love somebody
Then that means you need somebody
And If you need somebody
That's what make you weak
If you know your weak
Then you know need you someone
Oh, it's a funny thing but
That's what make you strong…….
That's what gives you power
That's what lets the meek come sit beside the king
That's what let's us smile in our final hour
That's what moves our souls and
That's what makes us sing
To trust somebody
Is to be disappointed
It's never what you wanted
And it happens every time
But if you’re the trusting kind
This don't even cross your mind
And Oh it's a funny thing but
That's what make you strong……

So many of us are battered and bruised from loving and being loved that we become fearful, we retreat inside ourselves and become overly cautious, and very tentative about sharing ourselves and giving ourselves in fear of being singed by the fire. Let’s face it no one intentionally flies into a fire knowing they will get burnt but a life of endless solitude and isolation is hardly the alternative. Yes be cautious, yes be wiser, and yes by all means be mindful and heed the lessons learnt from failed relationships however do not go to the extreme and cut off your air supply by allowing over mindfulness to stifle and stagnate your heart and atrophy your soul. 

No we didn't come with instructions and there is hardly a manual for detecting bull shit or deciphering maliced agendas as some are skilled at out maneuving even the most discerning eye however you did come equipped with everything you need, its all inside you. Learn to listen to your gut instincts, don’t over simplify and don’t complicate, see things as they are and not as you would like/want them to be but AS THEY ARE! Know when it’s your stuff getting in the way, the distinction is very important and will go a long way in saving you from undue heartache.

I know this is cliché but you got to love yourself, if you don't know how its time you learn because loving yourself is the key to all that ails. Why, because if you truly love yourself you will not allow others to trample all over you. Be able to love yourself enough to walk away from situations and people that can be detrimental to you and your well being. Yeah, yeah, I know it’s not as easy as it sounds but who ever promised you a rose garden? And if someone did promise you a rose garden haven’t you heard…roses have thorns?

That being said let me ask you…is there a song that resonates with you, that moves you past the debris? if there is leave me the lyrics or at least the title and artist. I would love the opportunity to listen. Come on now, don't be shy help broaden my musical listening genre.

  aaaaaaaaa

It is easier to tell the truth than it is to lie. Lying requires more work, the building of the scenario, the staging, the plot, the day, time, place let’s not forget, the who, what, when, where, why, circumstance and resulting consequence for all of the aforementioned. Plus! you have to remember all that you have told in the sequence you have told and to whom you have told.

Whereas the truth just is. There is no need for frills, editing or remembering. The truth simply is and no matter how you tell it, in what sequence you tell it or to whom you tell it, it remains the same. The truth is unchanging. However what is hard about telling the truth is facing it because the consequences are immediate.

Lying seem easiest because it allows us to escape if only temporarily the reality of truth. Only trouble is with a lie once its exposed it comes with added consequences, burdens, baggage and drama which maybe have been avoided had one chosen to tell the truth.

Sometimes in life it is wisest to take things one day at a time. Take worrying for instance. If worrying about a particular situation or circumstance is not contributing positively, making things better, helping make the load easier to carry or supporting you in remaining healthy and strong so that you are able to face whatever there is to come, then "Let It Go". Unless of course worrying puts money in the bank, clothes on your back, pays the rent/mortgage, puts food on the table, takes you to, and from work, assist with childcare and mows the lawn…then by all means, worry! If not then let it go. It’s an unproductive self-deprecating waste of time and good energy that does not foster good will or hope.

I know it is not easy to stop worrying. I also know that saying let it go, and actually letting it go are two very different things. In truth, it is easier said than done.  However what is the alternative, getting sick because lets face it thats what worrying does, it gets you sick. How is getting sick and compounding the situation with illness in addition to the circumstance helpful? Let it go! Breathe and prepare so that you are strong enough to whether the storm life throws your way and resilient enough to bounce back in triumph adding the incident to your landscape of life's experiences and exhale ready to face whatever else may come.  

If you absolutely must do something, then be proactive instead of reactive otherwise “Let it go” and take things "one day at a time".